The Blog 2, two, to, too

I will always refer back to my original Blog at the beginning of every blog. It will give you a read and heads up about who I am and my thoughts before you comment. Especially on issues concerning unimportant issues such as punctuation and speling;)

Well friends ! We are going to discuss pain, chronic pain and the math it takes on the nice folk out there. Nah… I’m not an expert so, I’ll discuss moi instead. I might understand you though. On whatever scale.

I’ve been diagnosed with chronic disorder called… Fibromyalgia. It’s the invisible syndrome.

Unfortunately it doesn’t give one the ability to be invisible. That’d be rad.

However, we get to look amazing most of the time,( well after coffee in my case) while your insides are at war. Your brain and body are in a constant battle over who’s right.

In the words of one of my heroes, “Let’s get after it.”

They believe, I stress believe. It is brought on by a stress related situation. HMMM we all have stress so why don’t we all have it..

Years ago I started going to the doctor for random pains here and there. Then visits for memory issues. The list goes on.

A few years ago I was lucky enough to have survived a horriable car accident.

With months of physiotherapy, I basically got kicked out. The physiotherapist couldn’t figure out why my symptoms came and went, and the insurance company wanted answers. There wasn’t answers. I was sent for brainograms, heartograms, nerveograms and way to much blood work. Results? I must be making this shit up because I’m healthy as a horse. Every effing time. Healthy as a horse. Yippie.

So when you feel pain and are the picture of health….you know what happens? I do, you start questioning your sanity.

Then you start with little temper outbursts, because you look in the mirror and you’re like, “damn I’m fine”. So you , work your work, head home , take care of everyone and or everything, get depressed, collect some pets, cause they love ya, and look like they feel unconditionally sorry for you, and have no expectations.

Wait, is this depressing? Sorry gang. This is a look inside chronic pain. Stay with me though…We will come to a silver lining!

When I first heard about this phenomena FIBORMYALGIA, it wasn’t from my doc, it was from my massage therapist. I went home and googled like crazy. Fyi. Do not ever do this. By the time I was done, I had 2 days to live and had probably infected everyone I’d come into contact with.

No bloody way, I have that. It’s a brain thing, and I am one tough cookie.

Oh did I mention I do counselling. Yeah that’s right. I got stuff figured out. I also specialized in a side therapy called, hotstone massage. So how in the h e double hockey sticks can I have that? Ya no.

So made an appointment to see the doc. More or less to explain how I didn’t have it.

Welllll…. This is a new doc and he didn’t share my view on me knowing everything.

He did these pressure point tests and concluded that I did. Immediately I was relieved and sick at the same time.

I did have a real thing!!! Not insane, not insane , hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never mind, I was now celebrating that I had an invisible disease, syndrome…whatever.

“WHAT DO WE DO DOC?”. How about we put you on a drug that alters your brain😄. Sure sounds groovy. Definelty let’s not suggest anything else.

Now hold on friends. Wait one second. Let’s not tie me to a tree and leave me for dead just yet. All meds, chems, and ummm stuff have a place on this earth. I’m simply suggesting, that maybe we could go in gently first.

With this being said, if you have ever suffered with a chronic anything, relief is all that matters at the time. Fibromyalgia can feel like someone grabbed a hammer and randomly hit you in the hand or foot but it doesn’t leave a mark. Invisible. Headaches. Invisible. Sleeplessness. Invisible. A thing called fibro fog(concentration and memory issues). Invisible. Random numbness. Invisible. Not to mention the effects( affects) it has on the ones around us. We look great, but…

I am blessed to have a tiny group of people around me that care. Immensely. Side note. Thank God for spell check lol. It’s scary though. You forget saying something, then you feel bad and you don’t want them to think you didn’t care or you weren’t listening. Sometimes you don’t remember meeting people. I loved after my car accident, because I always said I had a head injury and blamed it on that;)

Sooo anyhoo, we went to hard core pills. Omg within a couple days, total relief. It lasted almost 2 months. I wasn’t even grouchy. I enjoyed being around people, and felt great because I wasn’t worried about being a b%&ch. Then it stopped. So doc doubled the dose. No pain, but my emotions where getting a hit. Then the pain started coming back.

Went back to the doc. He moved. Next.

A super great friend worked at a hospital and told me to come see her people. I did. A few actually. They cared. I wanted off the pills. ” So I can I please just stop?? ” No way, was the response. Slowly is the answer.

So as I came off this stuff, I felt 10 emotions a min, spiders crawling on me, dizzy, pain like no other, confusion, guilt for being a disaster again. The list goes on.

So where on earth is the silver lining you ask? In my head. Same place that got me in this mess.


1.Learn to meditate, don’t hand me the bullshit that it’s lame, or you don’t have time, or you can’t. Find a video or read book on how. Learning to be still is an art. Training your mind is priceless.

Do it! Oops my bad. I mean me;)

2. Move. Move your ass. Does it hurt. Yup. Does it suck. Yup. Move it anyway. Walk.

3. Clean up your diet. I personally can’t do vegan or vegetarian, I loves me my cheeseburgers to much. If you can do the others!!!! Good on you! But at least clean it up. Ask the waterboy’s mom, I’m sure she would say that sugar is the devil.

4. Get on a long ass waiting list to see a doc about what you may be allergic to.

5. Find something to laugh at. Personally I love texts gone bad( cause its someone screwing up worse than me)and news bloopers. Laughter does make great medicine. Start a laugh journal.

6. Journal Journal Journal. Write down everything. Maybe you’ll find a trigger, maybe you’ll find a cure.

7. Communicate to the people who matter what is happening in your body. Not whine, but communicate, unless you have mind readers in your pack, they have no idea whats going on. Remember…you look fine. It’s ok to need a hug or not.

8. Give yourself a break. This is real. Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to say no once in awhile or yes for that matter.

9. Find a doc or practioner of some kind. Someone you can trust. Someone who will listen.

The first answer, isn’t always the right answer.

Make today count. Take a step friend.