It’s not, it’s my little invention that I call the Relationship Scale.
Just for S&Giggles.
This scale Goes from R0 to R5.
Let’s get into it here. I believe without a shadow of doubt (in my head), that a relationship would be so much easier if we could clarify what type of relationship it is.
When confusion and boundaries arise. The Scale comes out.
Now when I talk about relationships, I mean ALL relationships. If you are interacting with someone than you are in a form of relationship with them.
Now wouldn’t it be much easier if we could figure out where the relationship stands, at any given time?
So I thought I would develop the RELATIONSHIP SCALE. Based on an R0 to a R5 category.
Simply hand the person the paper, get them to circle what category they want to be in with you, you both date and initial it. For future reference of course.
Later if need be, and both parties agree, the scale can be revisited.
I came up with this scale from years of misreading people.
I am a straight forward type of chick, I would like to take everything everyone says , as actually what they mean. 😉
Years later, I’ve come to realize this isn’t the case.
Example. You are in a relationship with an individual, this individual has stressed over and over that they want to hear nothing but the truth from you. “Shoot straight from the hip please, don’t sugar coat things with me.” So the other person believes this statement to be true. So you get to the meat and bones of this particular convo, and blamo . Sorry, I mean KABLAMO. S*#t goes sideways. The 1st party is offended, you have no idea what the H E double hockey sticks happened. You were simply having an R5 relationship. BUT… wait a gosh darn second. This could of simply been fixed by checking your R Scale. This person really meant they wanted an R3 relationship. My bad.
Feel free to walk into a room, having the worst day ever and you tell your bestie, ” listen I realize we are an R5, but I just need an R2 right now.”
All relationships, whether family, friends, co-workers ,lovers,customers etc., need clarity. What a person thinks, feels and says don’t always line up.
R5 The deepest of relationships, this is no holding back. You are asked a question and the truth will be delivered. Doesn’t mean you have to be an a@#hol@. Lets get that straight. There is no weather convo hear, unless you are meteorologists and you are chasing an F5(see what I did there:)?
Fully functioning happy relationships do not have to live here. If both parties love the R3, then that’s where they should live.
You could be and R5 person and have a great relationship with a R2 person! You just know where to draw the line.
Argument breaks out ABOUT words said, you pull that little scale out of your pocket and you say, ” slow your roll, you circled and R5 pal. Argument stops. Doesn’t mean you or they are right, it means an honest opinion was asked and an honest opinion was given.
R4 The almost relationships, so close but far enough away to get out of a sticky situation. No lying is at this level as well, but you are able to just go.”hmmmmm interesting”, and walk away. R4 relationships are usually where people need to be. R5’s are intense, R4’s are a little softer.
R4’s can still stir emotions, but the cold hard truth is put aside. A work relationship, probably wont live here, unless you are the boss.
The truth is delivered gently at an R4 level.
ex: person 1, ” My boyfriend just left me, I am absolutely devastated, I don’t’ know what to do?”
Person 2, ” wait I need to check the level you circled(pause), oh I see an R4, ok sweetie this is my opinion……. He, (careful, what if they get back together?) is so the one missing out here, you are amazing. You are going to get past this and kick ass again. I am here for you, I’m going to go through this with you.”
Person 1, “what did you think of him?”
Person 2, ” well we are at an R4 level, so honestly unless he comes crawling back and is going to realize how amazing you are, I wouldn’t touch that again. Your happiness is what’s important to me. ” All True.
Notice here, you didn’t say, He was a looser in the first place, and you thought he was eating her soul. That comment stays with our R5 people.
This moves us to our R3 Relationship level. I call this the diplomatic level.
Really this is where most relationships live. We say we want the truth, but kids… we really don’t.
Person 1,” Do these pants make me look fat?”
Person 2, ” I love those pants, but I like the other ones better on you.”
This is where we need people to absolutely only give advice when asked, and even then it has to be delivered with tact.Good friends can happily live happily at this level.
I think the most common level of relationships lives here.
Surface conversations happen here. Honesty is great, but maybe a little sugar coating is needed at this level.
Zero wrong with this level. Zero.
This is a level more likely to keep the peace.
R2. Total surface level relationship. The bite the tongue level.No meat and bones convo’s happening here gang.
This is acquaintance level relationships. co workers, would be a great example of a relationship living here.
Also Zero wrong with this level. Its basic. weather conversations happen here. Discussions about restaurants we like and don’t like.
Eye rolling prob would happen here, because we don’t really want to voice our opinion, that would take us a little deeper. That being said , eye rolling would prob happen out of site.
R1. The we just met level, and I prob won’t remember your name unless i do some sort of word association to remember it level.
Again, nothing wrong with this level. It’s our beginning of the scale level. This is where 1st impressions are made.